No Blog Today? by Susan Shirley

Sorry to say, I have no blog entry for you today. Why?
It’s like this…

I was going to write about Procrastination, but I kept putting it off till tomorrow.

Then, I thought I’d put together something about Congress, but I kept being
politically incorrect.

Okaaaay, I said to myself, I’ll write about Love, but I just didn’t like that.

So I wrote a thousand-word essay on Magic Tricks; it disappeared.

I know, I said to myself, I’ll do a piece about Memories; but unfortunately, I forgot.

How about World’s Best Excuses–that should make for interesting reading, no? It
was, but then my dog ate it.

With deadline looming, I turned to that old standard, Favorite Cookie Recipes; but
that was half-baked.

So I winged it with a story about Pigeons; it turned out awful, really for the birds.

Not being one to give up easily, I turned to a set of short Travel Vignettes, till I
decided I just didn’t want to go there.

Sighing heavily, I began a series about dentists; but that whole story line bites.

Of course you know what happened when I tried to write about oversleeping.
So, obviously, I didn’t even attempt the one about Exotic Diseases.

Then, there was the one about Fine Print. Which was great, except no one
could read it. Ditto, my brilliant investigative piece on Invisible

Throwing caution to the wind, I then penned a fine mystery story; I have no idea at
all where it went.

My biographical sketch of Pro Football’s Finest Quarterbacks has been
intercepted. And the piece about Nighttime was just too dark.

I did a consumer column about Screen Doors; it was full of holes. There
was one about Airplanes, too, but it never got off the ground. The story
about Faux Pas was just an embarrassment, really; and my essay on
Spaying and Neutering? My editor had KITTENS.

I attempted to show you my Etchings; that was too graphic.

Thinking I’d be in line for a Pulitzer for sure, I then wrote “The History of
Editing;” it was cut.

In a panic, I rendered “Secret Codes,” which was too cryptic; “Dull
Scissors,” which was pointless, and “Skin,” which was superficial. “Deja
Vu” seemed too much like something I’d read before, and “Casino Cats”
seemed like a gamble. “Final Draft” just blew
me away, but it was mostly hot air. “Triangles” wasn’t very
well-rounded, and I will admit, my story about Incompetent Tightrope
Walkers lacked balance.

Finally, time completely ran out, just as I was adding the finishing touches to


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